An Experiment

I have been thinking about this for a while now.
I tried various sites and tweets to see if I could find any volunteers to help me.
Though there were none, I find myself in a fortunate enough position to help myself.

For those who have not done so, you may want to check out a drabble called 4:47am I did on this Tuesday past for InMon.

Then check out:

Please let me know your thoughts.


27 thoughts on “An Experiment

  1. Pingback: Inspiration Monday: patchwork people « BeKindRewrite

  2. BlueSkyPoet

    I’m not sure what I even want to say. Bravo. Love. Deep. Thank you.

    Those words will have to do.

    Meantime, I did not receive requests for assistance (sorry if I simply missed them) but let it be known: count me in next time.

  3. Mike

    What a great idea and so well executed.
    I loved the reading of the story – it took a little longer for the changing sky to dawn on me but it worked really well.
    You need to try it with your poem.

  4. Madison Woods

    Scribbla, at first I didn’t even realize there was a video to accompany the words. The words were what held my attention. Your voice (or the narrator’s voice if it wasn’t you) was perfect for reciting the story. After I read Indigo’s comment and realized there was video, the combination of the clearing static and the narrator’s clearing resolve to stay silent about his love for his father was very powerful. It was powerful just with audio, but the combination was excellent choreography.

    1. scribbla Post author

      I’m so glad you watched it twice!
      Thank you very much for your feedback. I’m really pleased to know that the combination of the story, voice, and imagery has its intended effect.

  5. bekindrewrite

    I actually saw this on my YouTube subscriptions list first, and I started freaking out because I forgot that I had subscribed to you. It was sort of a “omigosh, Scribbla’s on youtube!!! how is he already popping up on my subs??? Oh, yeah, there was a video before. New one is for InMon…must. watch.”

    In other words, you went too long between posting videos!

    I love this. I hope you do it more.

    1. scribbla Post author

      Thanks for the prompt! Wouldn’t have done it without you. And yeah, I intend on upping my personal library of videography there. Watch this space.

  6. Kay Camden

    And a wild success. I love how I didn’t notice the picture changing at first. It was almost subliminal, and with the words, it had a profound effect on me. How do you put so much emotion in your voice? Are you also an actor?

    1. scribbla Post author

      I’m afraid to say, in answer to your questions, I was coming down with a throat infection. That made speaking strenuous and I think that is what comes through in the read. Unfortunately I am not trained in acting or voice acting and actually think I suck at it, lol.
      Nonetheless, thank you for letting me know about the piece. Your feedback is always valuable to me.

      1. Kay Camden

        I must be a sucker for voices straining under infection. One of my favorite songs was recorded when the vocalist had some kind of throat infection / tonsilitis / flu – I don’t remember specifically. But it made for very raw, emotional singing. Whatever works!
        Hope you feel better.

  7. Carl

    That is an incredible experience. What is nice about the minimalist film experience is that the mind does things to you, and for the last several seconds, I was sure I could see the cloud turn into the speaker’s face. Unbelievable. I like art like this.

  8. chesshirecat

    I want to go read the poem, then come back to listen to it once more. It’s quite moving how the screen starts out similar to an old decaying film and gradually clears to reveal a beautifully moving bright and silvery cloud draped sky. It’s rather strange to hear the words speak of the ravages of age upon the body, the feeling of escape I feel for “mom” and perhaps the speaker. The sorrow of the aged man, who seems to have realized too late the waste of his life: the innuendos of pain matched with the hope of a beautiful sky laced with bright fluffy clouds which for me portray hope, release, energy, love, and renewal. Just a whole basket of feelings and thoughts are brought to the surface without actually giving me a slot to positively secure them to. Which isn’t quite unsettling, but perhaps a bit bewildering. It’s not a bad sense of feeling for me. I feel the story is left open, with much more to tell.

  9. Indigo Spider

    I am not sure I can articulate this properly so I’m sorry in advance for the wordy reply.

    I liked the story, when I read it, but having watched the video it turned into something even more. Perhaps because of all that happened this week with my own mother it took on a different meaning for me, but when I sat in the hospital emergency room with my mother over the weekend, listening to all the doctors saying she is critical and listening to her gasping for breath, gray faced, weak, my emotions overwhelmed me. The beginning of the video, with the static, captures that sense of not quite sure what it is I was feeling, of just being on autopilot to get through the moment.

    As she progressed and I received the full diagnosis, hit with the fact that she might not make it through the week, in an odd way it was like the static clearing up, seeing blue sky and clouds. Not joy, not happiness, but this opening up and realizing she will survive, for now, but time is still limited.

    In the case of your story and video, there still seems to be a barrier between father and son, and the speaking along with the simple visuals opening upon a blue sky really lent a big impact to the story. So, in my long-winded way, what seems so simple in both the story and the visuals, the combination created something very profound.

    I hope you do more, combining your writer side with your videographer side. They make great short films. By the way, is that you speaking?

    1. scribbla Post author

      Very well expressed. I cannot really add anything to what you said. Other than, of course, I hope things are going well with your Mom and yourself.
      Yes, that is me speaking. (cough, cough)

  10. valbrussell

    I am deeply moved by this. I read this before and it actually made me cry for the personal connection I felt to the experience you so eloquently relate with your words. This new spoken version and the background choice is the perfect channel for delivery of a terribly difficult truth so many emotionally estranged children feel about remote parents. I like this very much and I do hope it is the first of many you produce Andrew, it is pure, raw art..


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