The Crime of Passion

The weather tried to smother life out of that day by suffocating color. A chunky blanket of gray fog filled the spaces between and around us, but your shocking yellow jersey was unwilling to comprehend or obey the world of death and dying; so magnificent, so defiant in its existence. Like you.
And I remember your smile, your sweet crooked smile that reveals your missing tooth hidden under shy lips, the smile you dislike so intensely because each time you are happy you are ashamed too, your smile that is so familiar to my own inner landscape I must love myself because I love that smile so deeply.
Then we hugged next to the fountain on the square where people toss their pennies and make their wishes, and I was overwhelmed by an ocean of your hair, delightfully drowned by the scent of your shampoo and the cheap perfume I had first lost my mind to on a quiet afternoon as it clung to your naked skin and crinkled white sheets.
“Thank you,” you whispered in my ear.
It was my happiest moment. And yours. You were free for the first time in your life.
Free of him forever.
And I was the one responsible for your freedom. Finally we would be together for all the world to see.

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22 thoughts on “The Crime of Passion

  1. Kay Camden

    How did you ever figure out how to set a scene like this? It’s all in the details. The shocking yellow jersey- it shows us so much about this scene. So many writers get caught up in general description which readers skim over. These little details give us a focal point in our mind so that our imagination can fill in the rest.

    Reply
    1. screen_scribbla Post author

      Perhaps I write a bit like I’d like to read others. I can find it a bit tiresome at times (not always) when too much detail is written down by an author. When I’m reading, my imagination is in full swing. The wily writer knows just which prompts to give to push it into overdrive without having to say too much. I aspire to write like those wily authors, because I trust readers to be able to create worlds in their own minds that are far more wonderful than I can create.
      Thanks for reading the post and for leaving your thoughts behind. I always do appreciate them.

      Reply
  2. bekindrewrite

    Ooo, this “suffocating color” thing is so Book Thief-ish (which, in case you haven’t read The Book Thief, is a great compliment). The happy and ashamed smile is so poignant.

    Reply
    1. screen_scribbla Post author

      Thanks for the read and comments! I am not familiar with The Book Thief, but you have my curiosity meter way up right now. I’ll try and source it.

      Reply
  3. sparrowsong

    “the smile you dislike so intensely because each time you are happy you are ashamed too,”

    That’s one of those subtle feelings that you don’t even realize you have until someone points it out. This is fantastic.

    Reply
    1. screen_scribbla Post author

      Hehehehe… I need to come clean and suggest that that imagery may have been prompted by your last post. I didn’t consciously think about it while writing, but I had read your post, then had a tooth of mine extracted the very next morning and then wrote this a couple of days later. Teeth, identity and gaps were very much on my mind.
      Anyway, thanks for the inspiration and comments.

      Reply
  4. kolembo

    Ah, look at you, spinning satin scenes!

    …by suffocating color…

    Ak, enveloped in a swirling paragraph! Ok, must attempt some prose. It’s really good.

    ha! I gottit…knew it couldn’t be perfect! get rid of ‘…and yours…’ after ‘…it was my happiest moment…’, you megalomaniac!

    Really, it’s very good, and I’m very glad I found your site…I don’t even know how I did.

    Reply
    1. screen_scribbla Post author

      Thanks. I take that as high praise coming from a someone who writes as fantastically as you do. Lol – glad you picked up my megalomaniac disposition there. Busted!!!

      Reply
  5. Jinx

    “unwilling to comprehend or obey the world of death and dying” love that line! Absolutely beautiful. Stuffed with lines that I want to quote. One of the best posts I’ve seen on this blog yet.

    Reply
    1. screen_scribbla Post author

      I’m pleased that you enjoyed the post so much. I also feel it is one of my better ones. It feels closer to my authentic writing voice. Until now I have been modifying my voices to fit that of a screenplay, but decided today to break away and write more from a place of prose. It felt good.

      Reply
  6. Evelyn

    ” your smile that is so familiar to my own inner landscape I must love myself because I love that smile so deeply.”
    My GOD. That took my breath away. What a sad/beautiful/honest line…

    Reply
  7. chesshirecat

    The paradoxes of this story didn’t go unnoticed !
    I totally enjoy the colorful descriptions, the evocative illustrative narrative drives my mind down paths I traveled a few times as a younger woman … it’s as good as writing gets. I’m not disappointed.

    Reply
    1. screen_scribbla Post author

      Thank you for taking the time, again, to read and comment. Your words motivate me to be better!
      I’m glad that you enjoyed the post and that you picked up on the paradoxes and that the world I have created is not too far removed from a truth somewhere out there.

      Reply

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