Falls Apart

“Come inside, Mr. Jones.”
Two young men wearing white coats hold my arms. Their name cards inform me one is Marvin and the other Pedro. They guide me through a glass door into a dimly lit lobby. A young lady with too much lipstick smeared on her lips smiles at me from behind the reception desk.
“Mr. Jones, you naughty boy. Find any lovely young ladies out there tonight?” she teases.
“I… I… don’t remember,” I say.
My escorts assist me down a corridor. I have my pyjamas and slippers on. Where am I? How did I get here? Where the hell are we going?
“I need to piss,” I say.
“Alrighty,” Pedro chimes.
We walk to the men’s bathroom.
“Gimme five minutes,” I say.
“You gonna be okay on your own? ”
I stand at the urinal with my dick in my hand. How long have I been here? I do not need to pee, so I zip up and head over to the washbasin. My suit looks way too big for me. Once upon a time it was a fine fit. Now it just hangs on my skeleton. Fuck it, getting old is awful. I wash my hands, dry them and leave the bathroom.
“Ah, there you are Mr. Jones,” says a young man wearing a white coat as he walks to me.
Doctor? No. His name card says Pedro.
“Come, the others are waiting for you,” Pedro says taking my arm and leading me through a lobby where a young lady is seated behind the reception desk. She wears too much lipstick.
“Bye, Mr. Jones,” she waves at me with a big smile. “Have fun at the zoo today!”


13 thoughts on “Falls Apart

  1. Drew Lane Composer

    Hey mate! 🙂 Loving your blog … What I really like is the short descriptions “She wears too much lipstick” or “My suit looks way too big for me”. You grab in an instant exactly what we need to read. 😉

    Hope all goes well with your screenplay – if you’re looking for someone to write the score for it, I’m in!

    1. screen_scribbla Post author

      Wow Drew. That is a very generous offer re the score!!! If I ever go anywhere I will certainly be sure to look you up. Thank you for reading and your comments.

  2. sparrowsong

    Nice twist. The white jackets definitely got me thinking insane asylum first until I eased my way into the nursing home idea. It’s awesome how the reader is just as unsure of where they are as the protagonist is.

    1. screen_scribbla Post author

      Thank you. One day when I’m all grown up and rich I hope to have the time to write something longer that I finish. Right now I’m on a crazy deadline for a short screenplay, so that is taking up every bit of time between family, the blog, and work.

  3. Madison Woods

    That left me feeling like an asylum patron myself, LOL. Great job of putting the reader in the mc’s shoes.

  4. jeremythurston

    SO many thoughts bounced through my head. Was he being kidnapped, has he been sedated? Was he at the hospital, was he at a mental hospital? And in the end i grunted in surprise, a retirement home. I truly enjoyed this. It shows the frustrations of getting old. Do you have any books out? Cause i definitely wanna look up more of your work.

    1. screen_scribbla Post author

      Hi Jeremy – thanks for sharing your thoughts. It was intended that all of those scenarios should be created in the reader’s mind. Unfortunately I don’t have any published work yet, but who knows what the future holds. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts and for reading my work. It is appreciated very much by me.


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